Confined.

Have you ever felt being in a small tight space even when the world is out there, wide as hell and calling for your name? I feel that all the time. I've recently been picking up fanfiction again, can I say that there's a lot of the lads that take their time to write and post it up on the site is really talented and I really appreciate their dedication and "sacrifice" , and one of the title that I read include this, 

"It’s been two and a half months now and she swears that she can no longer tell you what she did on what day because “Everyday has begun to blend into one another. Nothing even close to significant to remember. I live, I breathe and I repeat.”

This pretty much sums up my whole life. Even though with the amazing world outside, I just chose to stay in and isolate myself from it. I don't know, is it my confidence? I've always knew that my confidence isn't high, but surely there must be a little confidence inside of me that actually "allow" me to go out and witness the world with my own eyes.

Or is it that I always have this bad impression of the people and the world? Have I always have this view of the world? As far as I know, no, I didn't had this feeling when I was young, I know because back then, the thing that is holding me back was my confidence, and its safe to say that it still is.

It's always the same problem, I just can't do stuff for my own. Take advices for one, I'll always be there and telling what's right in my opinion to someone, but why can't I accept and learn from my own advices? Why? I don't know, the brain doesn't want me to I guess. To tell you the truth, I am sick of this. I am sick of life. There's 9 days of holiday, it's 9 days of pure isolation to me. With a slight exception of the trip to the movies, to tuition and to feast. That is all. I am not right in my mind.

Tell me guys, some of you guys are always there for me. Ready to lend a shoulder, ready to listen to my o so rare rants and voice, why do you guys do that? You guys know of my dislike of people, heck, I dislike them so much that it's pretty hard for me to speak to a person consistently unless I'm in the mood for it. Take twitter for instance, when someone tweet something and for some reason I decided to reply it, I always hope that the person won't reply the next tweet. Though it's not to all people, it's just to most people. But for those that I enjoy talking to, you guys know who you are, there's no need to splat out the names, yeah, you guys are the ones that I really enjoy being accompanied and blesses with your presences.

There's so much of wrong in me that it is not right. I don't even know what my future is. 

Heck, in the future, I would look back and have a few possible thoughts and one of these might be it.

1. I might look back and let out a smirk and say, "I'm so lucky , so blessed that I have my dreams come true.

2. I might look up the sky and think of the dream and say, "My dreams will never come true"

3. I might thought of the past , the present and the future and say, there's so many changes, so many obstacles that I have fought with, because without them, I won't be what I am today.

Sorry.