Pain.

Pain , grief, distress, afflict. They're all of a physical or emotional pain. We all have that in us. In this uneventful day, I have all the time I need to reflect on what have I been doing , what am I doing and what is there of the future in me. Safe to say , there isn't much to see. It's all pitch black. Nothing but a void in it. But in a small tiny corner of the void, there's a light, it's small, it's fading, but it's flickering. With all it's might it has in it, it flickers. And it caught my eye, or my senses really. 

And what does that small light has to offer? It's a small light, but it's the light that has stuck with me ever since. I opened my eyes and look thoroughly into the light, and there it was. What was it? It's the people that I have met. No, not just people that I just met, not those "hi-bye" sort of people, it's the people that understands me, even the slightest, it's the people that stuck with me even knowing that I am nothing but a piece of crap and is a mess at my lowest or highest, the people that understands, even if it's a slight  understanding, a small insight of the world I call mine. I guess it's the little things eh? 

Truth is, I haven't really have any "real" friends, not even in Sabah, I guess I'm just a introvert from my birth. It began in Form 1 that I really tasted a bit of true friendship I presume. It felt weird, knowing someone is there for you. Then the year after, I met 4 amazing person, that has stuck with me ever since. They're there for me just as much as I am there for them. Yeah 1 might have "left" but there's still so much love in here. 

I guess it was sort of a "destiny" maybe? Because I couldn't think of a single reason that I was attracted and convinced to go close and make friends with them in Form 1 & 2 and the years after. There was just this thin, piece of line that has me pulling, pulling and pulling, eventually got to these people. People come and go, but those that has stuck, is those that I enjoyed their presence , those that I hope that the friendship will go on forever. So here's my thanks to you guys, because without all of you, my life would be more of a dark place, and definitely more scar than there is as of now. 

Even with me being such an introvert, and yes, I constantly want to be left alone. But truth is, I want to be left alone, but I am incredibly terrified of being lonely. Call it fear, call it stupid, but that is what I am scared of. 

"Loneliness"