Why?
"You are also free to roam around the wilderness in your adventure mind."
- Susan Cain, The Power Of Introverts .
I saying about the need to change in the last post. And during the course of that and now, I have been thinking. Why? Why should I change? Introverts are equally as important as extroverts. Introverts bring just as good , or even better , things and ideas to the table.
This is a serious message that needs to be relayed to the whole of my family. Stop trying to change me. Stop trying to change me into a more outgoing type, just like the rest of your acquaintance , friends and family. Stop the attempts to persuade me to step out of the house and into some party with hundreds of people. And yes, places that are more filled with more than 20 people, I consider crowded, packed and wishes not to be anywhere near it. I've never really said this to anyone, but when faced with people that I do not know of, I will get nervous, I will be socially awkward, I will put up a terrible smile, my heart will pound really quick, and I will feel major discomfort within myself.
I am losing it.
Just as before, I am no longer in control of my own feelings. By this, I do not mean having an affection for someone. More often than not, I am overcame with feelings such as tears. Take the English paper 1 last week, knowing the fact that Pn.Chung is going to be the one reading and judging my essay, I broke. It was the immense pressure knowing that one that isn't known for her "feelings", is going to be the one that's going to mark my , a generally feelings rather than a literal , essay. Halfway going through the essay, I felt like putting the pen down and give up. Knowing that I made a mess of the essay and there is much time left. Though, I did not do that. It is the trials paper after all , it is the one paper that I am really yearning for an A. But while continuing the terrible essay, I look straight into the imaginary world, and was <-> this close to tears. Thankfully, it did not come.
Add to the list of constantly having headaches, I am over exaggerating every small matter. I take things too personally. Even if they did not really happen. In the previous post, I mentioned that I am most likely in with some mental issue or some sort. This is an example to strengthen the claim. I would often make up conversation with someone knowing if I am going to meet him/her or I did something that would not impress that person. And in the non-existing conversation, argument happens. And while it did not happen in the real life, my mind would confuse between the reality and the imaginary. And sometime I find myself dislike someone because of that imaginary argument.
My thoughts are overtaking my frail mind too. I had it under control for a few months now but it's coming back with full force. No longer do I have a reason for the things that I have or have not done. I am going to stop right now. Because the headaches are back, I'm over thinking once again, no one cares anyway.
- Susan Cain, The Power Of Introverts .
I saying about the need to change in the last post. And during the course of that and now, I have been thinking. Why? Why should I change? Introverts are equally as important as extroverts. Introverts bring just as good , or even better , things and ideas to the table.
This is a serious message that needs to be relayed to the whole of my family. Stop trying to change me. Stop trying to change me into a more outgoing type, just like the rest of your acquaintance , friends and family. Stop the attempts to persuade me to step out of the house and into some party with hundreds of people. And yes, places that are more filled with more than 20 people, I consider crowded, packed and wishes not to be anywhere near it. I've never really said this to anyone, but when faced with people that I do not know of, I will get nervous, I will be socially awkward, I will put up a terrible smile, my heart will pound really quick, and I will feel major discomfort within myself.
I am losing it.Just as before, I am no longer in control of my own feelings. By this, I do not mean having an affection for someone. More often than not, I am overcame with feelings such as tears. Take the English paper 1 last week, knowing the fact that Pn.Chung is going to be the one reading and judging my essay, I broke. It was the immense pressure knowing that one that isn't known for her "feelings", is going to be the one that's going to mark my , a generally feelings rather than a literal , essay. Halfway going through the essay, I felt like putting the pen down and give up. Knowing that I made a mess of the essay and there is much time left. Though, I did not do that. It is the trials paper after all , it is the one paper that I am really yearning for an A. But while continuing the terrible essay, I look straight into the imaginary world, and was <-> this close to tears. Thankfully, it did not come.
Add to the list of constantly having headaches, I am over exaggerating every small matter. I take things too personally. Even if they did not really happen. In the previous post, I mentioned that I am most likely in with some mental issue or some sort. This is an example to strengthen the claim. I would often make up conversation with someone knowing if I am going to meet him/her or I did something that would not impress that person. And in the non-existing conversation, argument happens. And while it did not happen in the real life, my mind would confuse between the reality and the imaginary. And sometime I find myself dislike someone because of that imaginary argument.
My thoughts are overtaking my frail mind too. I had it under control for a few months now but it's coming back with full force. No longer do I have a reason for the things that I have or have not done. I am going to stop right now. Because the headaches are back, I'm over thinking once again, no one cares anyway.
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Will I?
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