The Moonlit Skies
The Moonlit Skies
Why did I chose that as the title? I don't know. I guess when I came back from tuition, I looked up and saw the fading moon in the dark skies with no stars in sight. Just the dark night sky. With the only source of light emitting from the moon.
I'm weird.
"Nightmares"
Usually, I never get dreams. But for the past week, I've been constantly bombarded with nightmares during my sleep. It's not the major nightmares like the end of the world, it's small minor nightmares. Like last Tuesday, I dreamed that I failed my CAE exam that I'll be taking at the end of the year. It's not a big dream. But it's a big occasion. Brush that aside, the nightmare I'm having everyday is that I never study! Over-exaggerating it but since I'm talking about nightmares, let's just put it in. What a fucking terrible excuse you cunt.
24 days to SPM. I'm here doing nothing. Literally. Most of the time when I get a book with me, I would just go to the bed , read a sentence or two then take a 5 minute break and lie down on the bed. That 5 minute break will then be 1 hour. That's how I spend my days. I'm looking around on Twitter, everybody's studying their ass off. And I'm still wasting my bloody time. I'm not even the smartest. When will I realize that I need to study to get somewhere. To leave Malaysia and study in another country. Because as it stand, I wouldn't even leave the bloody country until the final year of the course I'm going to take. Which , I don't know. Someone, slap me hard in the face please.
Worst still, I've been overthinking the heck out of everything. Every small little thing, I made it seem like the Eiffel Tower. God, someone, hit me in the face again. In English tuition just now, we had to write an article on happiness. There were two choices, first, about why people are happy, the second, a happy person you admire and all why they're happy and all. I was baffled. I didnt' know what to write. I just stoned there for a good 5 minutes before actually writing. Teachers' going to say that this is a disappointment again. Just as she did with the report 2 weeks ago. I'm so doomed. I'm not good for anything. fuck. I'm doomed for.
I've been watching more vlogs from Ben Brown and Louis Cole , and it's really making me think. Will I ever grow up, have a decent career and have an awesome life like them or will I be part of the norm, and sit in front of a desk in a 6'x6' cubicle. And yes, that is still a big nono for me. But what am I doing? Nothing. Okay, here's my vow. I hope I will follow it and achieve great success in the future.
I will try to move away from my phone for the next 2 months.
I will only turn on the computer on Friday, and Saturday & Sunday night.
I WILL STUDY.
I need to get good marks.
I need to leave.
Why did I chose that as the title? I don't know. I guess when I came back from tuition, I looked up and saw the fading moon in the dark skies with no stars in sight. Just the dark night sky. With the only source of light emitting from the moon.
I'm weird.
"Nightmares"
Usually, I never get dreams. But for the past week, I've been constantly bombarded with nightmares during my sleep. It's not the major nightmares like the end of the world, it's small minor nightmares. Like last Tuesday, I dreamed that I failed my CAE exam that I'll be taking at the end of the year. It's not a big dream. But it's a big occasion. Brush that aside, the nightmare I'm having everyday is that I never study! Over-exaggerating it but since I'm talking about nightmares, let's just put it in. What a fucking terrible excuse you cunt.
24 days to SPM. I'm here doing nothing. Literally. Most of the time when I get a book with me, I would just go to the bed , read a sentence or two then take a 5 minute break and lie down on the bed. That 5 minute break will then be 1 hour. That's how I spend my days. I'm looking around on Twitter, everybody's studying their ass off. And I'm still wasting my bloody time. I'm not even the smartest. When will I realize that I need to study to get somewhere. To leave Malaysia and study in another country. Because as it stand, I wouldn't even leave the bloody country until the final year of the course I'm going to take. Which , I don't know. Someone, slap me hard in the face please.
Worst still, I've been overthinking the heck out of everything. Every small little thing, I made it seem like the Eiffel Tower. God, someone, hit me in the face again. In English tuition just now, we had to write an article on happiness. There were two choices, first, about why people are happy, the second, a happy person you admire and all why they're happy and all. I was baffled. I didnt' know what to write. I just stoned there for a good 5 minutes before actually writing. Teachers' going to say that this is a disappointment again. Just as she did with the report 2 weeks ago. I'm so doomed. I'm not good for anything. fuck. I'm doomed for.
I've been watching more vlogs from Ben Brown and Louis Cole , and it's really making me think. Will I ever grow up, have a decent career and have an awesome life like them or will I be part of the norm, and sit in front of a desk in a 6'x6' cubicle. And yes, that is still a big nono for me. But what am I doing? Nothing. Okay, here's my vow. I hope I will follow it and achieve great success in the future.
I will try to move away from my phone for the next 2 months.
I will only turn on the computer on Friday, and Saturday & Sunday night.
I WILL STUDY.
I need to get good marks.
I need to leave.
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