疼
"I'm tired of empty smiles and nights alone. I'm sick of these paper stars, illuminating this hollow glove. Surrounded by your eyes, I almost wanna float." - Jakwob's Blinding
It's been awhile since I felt this way. I tried really hard guys. To not feel this way. But each conversation, each console, each advice, each thankyou's and sorry changes nothing in who I really am. What is it inside of me. A pen is mightier than a sword, but it does no good when a person is already dead.
I expected this, to be honest. Sorry if I didn't tell anyone but I expected this. When school ended for the last time, I felt a sudden disconnection. As if something had been ripped out out of me. I tried to conceal it, under layers and layers of happiness and relief. But each day, it peeks out through the little holes. And one day, the hole got bigger and bigger until it eventually burst. Taking out everything once again. This time, leaving nothing behind. Take a look inside and there's nothing but an empty hallow void. You couldn't help but feel sorry for the little void.
Being miles away doesn't help either. I thought I would liked being in Perth. I thought I would like the peace and serenity that Perth have to offer. How wrong could I be. It's not about Perth itself that's not peaceful and serene. It's the fact that I'm living with this group people who I may not even consider people. Everyday, there would be argument and alteration, what for? A reason not much pettier than your average reason. Not to mention the fact that our next door neighbor, is a piece of shit.
I'm not feeling back this way because of these reason. No, that would made me pain angry. It's explainable. I can do no justice to how I feel. I can say no justice of how I feel. It's just come and go. And this time it feels like it's staying. For good.
It's not a recent thing really. The first week I touched down in Down Under. I prayed really hard to all the Gods out there. "Please, do not let me wake up in the morning after. Please. Let me go of my struggle. Relieve me of all these pains. I no longer want to cry. I no longer can cry. They're all dried up. There's nothing left for you to take. Just take me with you."
You couldn't imagine how disappointed how I felt when I found out I was breathing the next morning. I hadn't felt this bad since well I don't know. And there's nothing I can do about it. "Go to sleep." everyone says. What for? For me to feel disappointed and abandoned the next morning? "Listen to music." Sure it relieves me for the moment. But what comes after is worse than what was before.
"Write." Hey, I'm doing that right now , am I not?
Dried of all tears, an enigma inside, a hallow void. Dead but alive.
Kill me already.
It's been awhile since I felt this way. I tried really hard guys. To not feel this way. But each conversation, each console, each advice, each thankyou's and sorry changes nothing in who I really am. What is it inside of me. A pen is mightier than a sword, but it does no good when a person is already dead. I expected this, to be honest. Sorry if I didn't tell anyone but I expected this. When school ended for the last time, I felt a sudden disconnection. As if something had been ripped out out of me. I tried to conceal it, under layers and layers of happiness and relief. But each day, it peeks out through the little holes. And one day, the hole got bigger and bigger until it eventually burst. Taking out everything once again. This time, leaving nothing behind. Take a look inside and there's nothing but an empty hallow void. You couldn't help but feel sorry for the little void.
Being miles away doesn't help either. I thought I would liked being in Perth. I thought I would like the peace and serenity that Perth have to offer. How wrong could I be. It's not about Perth itself that's not peaceful and serene. It's the fact that I'm living with this group people who I may not even consider people. Everyday, there would be argument and alteration, what for? A reason not much pettier than your average reason. Not to mention the fact that our next door neighbor, is a piece of shit.
I'm not feeling back this way because of these reason. No, that would made me pain angry. It's explainable. I can do no justice to how I feel. I can say no justice of how I feel. It's just come and go. And this time it feels like it's staying. For good.
It's not a recent thing really. The first week I touched down in Down Under. I prayed really hard to all the Gods out there. "Please, do not let me wake up in the morning after. Please. Let me go of my struggle. Relieve me of all these pains. I no longer want to cry. I no longer can cry. They're all dried up. There's nothing left for you to take. Just take me with you."
You couldn't imagine how disappointed how I felt when I found out I was breathing the next morning. I hadn't felt this bad since well I don't know. And there's nothing I can do about it. "Go to sleep." everyone says. What for? For me to feel disappointed and abandoned the next morning? "Listen to music." Sure it relieves me for the moment. But what comes after is worse than what was before.
"Write." Hey, I'm doing that right now , am I not?
Dried of all tears, an enigma inside, a hallow void. Dead but alive.
Kill me already.
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