Brushing On The Edge Of Life
Fears are one of the essentials of being a human being, it makes up a bigger picture of what we call feelings. Aside from moments of happiness, moments of despair, moments of excitement, there's also the inevitable moments of fears. What is fear? Why do people fear fear so much? What is it about clowns that send shivers down their spines? What is it about roller coaster that trigger certain people's discouragement of heights? And death, many people fear death, even if their mouth says otherwise. What is it about death that terrifies people so much ?From the living room to the graveyard, geographically it's a distance away from each other, but in terms of time, it really isn't long before we're all headed to the same fictional place location. I , myself had a little brush with the revered Reaper few weeks ago. It was the day before my flight, the day went off decent if not well. But something wasn't feeling right. Something wasn't feeling right the whole week. Days before and after that particular day, my mind was all over the place. I couldn't feel my feet on the ground, my chest was pumping some excruciating pains and being in the car made it none better.
Anyways, that day, I went about getting some last minute issues done and I had a dinner with a childhood buddy of mine that night. By right, I should be having a swell day. I went and ate pan mee at our favourite shop ( I really miss eating it right now ) , went Publika ( God , I love that place ) and drank some splendid coffee with the family. Everything was all right. It was all right if you choose to exclude the car ride. The ride itself was the usual, nothing special. But being in the car made me sick. I couldn't breathe, each breath was like fighting a losing war, it was as if my lungs and stomach literally swapped places, I longed for the time when I was out of that spaced in hell.But home after each ride wasn't heaven either. I laid down on the cool marble floor, letting the coolness spread about my otherwise warm body. It had gotten to bad to the point I needed an inhaler to actually ooze in some oxygen. It's been ages since I used that thing. It had gotten so bad that I had to pass on the dinner tonight. God, I'm feeling so guilty about it. Even right now. I may have excruciate things but I feared that I may not last the day.
Throughout the day, I did not thought of the afterlife, I did not thought of what would happen after my absence, all I thought of was the moments that I was there for people and people were there for me. The people that I loved with all my heart. And I feared I would not be there to see their faces. I would not be there to listen to their stories and tell them mine. I feared, I would be all alone again. Maybe that's why people are so afraid of death. Not being erased from the face of Earth, but being left alone into the unknown.
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It's been awhile since I wrote something and I had a mental breakdown of my deteriorating grasp of the English language so apologize if you were to see any grammatical mistake and / or anything that brought upon illogical responses.
SHOUTOUTS
February brings about a spree of birthdays, and unfortunately I will not be there to celebrate any of it. I apologize for it and this is all I can do.
3. Wan Teng : 54 more days to frisbee! TODAY's your day so you're special ay. Go and have fun with the buffet and no more hating me okay. :( TAKE CARE OF MY ZHENG YI. <3
4. Soon Way : Buddy! How's life in the ward? Did you had fun with the cost of some hefty bills? Don't die on me okay? See la, I leave you all for a few moments and you come back to me with this news. Geez, can't you let me rest for a change?
5. Melissa Foo : Helloooo kiddo! How're you doing? Life in KDU doing good for ya? Being sick on your big day. How wonderful. But glad you had fun with Jiao Yin & the rest. They are wonderful people no? Make it up for you when I get back!
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