2:22 AM

Okay sorry, that's a stupid title for a blog post. It's just that it's been awhile since I wrote something at 2 in the morning. So what's there to write? For starters, I do not like morning in Down Under. Whilst I was in Malaysia, I wrote something in a post further back, saying maybe I'll go for a 5-6am run. Seeing the sun rise and two totally different colours mix and blend into one. But after coming here and experienced the sun rise for the first time. It wasn't really a pleasant moment.

The first time I saw the sun rise here, 5:30 AM to be precise, it came off from a terrible night. I still remember that night as if it had happened just yesterday. That night, I couldn't sleep. At all. I tumbled and twisted and turned, it was hot, it was uncomfortable. Before I knew it, the sun had already risen and the day has begun. Maybe it was because of that first experience, but I no longer want to see a 5 or 6 AM. I just want to sleep through it.

Okay, that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is that I'm feeling really uneasy right now. I am dead sure, if I were at home, I would be holding something with a pointy edge and doing the unthinkable. It's those kind of nights again. The Relapse kind of night. I'm feeling all lost once again. I'm feeling no one really bother about anything. I'm close to tears once again. God , I'm such a feeble person. It's those kind of night where you want to just shut out everything and take a drive outside. Too bad I can't drive yet eh?

It's those kind of night where you want to drop everything, everything from your mobile phone to yourself, just drop to the floor and see whether how long it will take for you to pick yourself up. If you pick yourself up. Before 2:22 AM today, I was still feeling very uneasy, as aforementioned. My chest was clutching, my forehead showered with sweats, palms too. But after writing this, I feel better. My chest still hurts. But no longer am I showered with sweats. I'm hurt. Does not a single person see this?

It's really hard to digest everything into your consciousness knowing you're alone in a place without anyone credible. I know I am in a house with my cousins. But do I trust them with my life? Hell no. I wouldn't even trust them with a piece of my clothing. I have no love for them. I do not hate them, I'm over that now. But I do not love them.

I just want to go back really. April 9 can't come soon enough. With this post, it will be exactly 4 weeks until I'm back. I won't mind the haze. I won't mind the heat. I won't mind the water shortage. I just want to go back. Don't get me wrong. Australia is not a bad place. It's just that I'm here not one a holiday. I'm here to help my aunt out with her devilish kids. I didn't go to the beach until a couple weeks back. Part of that was due to the weather.

I still want to travel the world. I still want to visit every part of planet Earth. That include Australia. I await another day where I can experience what Australia has to offer.

"You gotta help me out, don't put me on the back. I got soul but I'm not a soldier."