Nostalgic Memories

I'm making a grave mistake right now by scrolling through my gallery. That includes both on Tumblr , on my phone , everywhere. And I've realised something that we all have known since the year started. I actually miss high school a lot. I miss my childhood. I miss my adolescent life. I miss the days before today. I'm afraid of living tomorrow. I'm afraid of knowing the truth.

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When was the last time we ventured into something without knowing what's behind it? I don't know about but it's been awhile since I had done that sort of thing. I'm 18 now. I've grown into a stage where I need to know the things behind it before I actually take the next step. Sure, there's a good in there. But sometime, you will need to take a leap into the unknown. Don't live with what you have. Go out there and do something you've never done before. Not only that, I do not know what is on the other side. I still remember when we were young, when the only crisis we were having in life was not knowing what to do with all the time that we had, I'd always go to the pool centre behind my house. It wasn't much. There was slides and all but it was pretty rundown. That said, when it closed down and all the vines started to make a home out of it, I was restricted from going anywhere near it. After that, the only way I can get into the centre was only by peeking through the little holes on the fences that divides us.

During that same age, my best friends were Ridzuan and Ian. I'd still remember everyday after school we'd stayed back at school for no reason whatsoever. And what would we do? I don't know really. We never really plan this kind of stuffs. There were times when we just threw pebbles over the wall to the swimming pool across our school and just listen to the "ploop" sound when the rock made contact with the water. There were times when we would just run across the field at the backend of the school that was considered "restricted entry." God, how much I miss those times.

Sure , we could do something like that now. But not without being judged at. The thing is, at this age, at this world, we care too much about how people regard of us. I'm guilty of that. Always, I've always said that I will not care about how the world think of it, be it lightly or terribly, I do not and will not care. But the next minute, I'd be thinking , "omg, I look terrible today." , "oh Christ , did I just do that?" and all that crap. A life without judgement is the life that all should be living. A couple months back, while I was still in Down Under, I was watching a movie called "The Kings Of Summer" , it's about this couple of kids who decided to dropped everything they have and start a life by themselves in the jungle. The concept is right , ya? But can they survive? No, they almost died had it not been for the help of society. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but during the first few weeks of their "new life" , they were being judged at, with fingers being pointed at both kids from each sides of the family. Then when things started turning South, when all the judging stopped and people gave their all on what's important, people got what they wanted.

I'm looking back at pictures from a decade ago. I'm looking pictures from when I first came here. I'm looking at pictures when it's 2010. I'm looking pictures from last month. They were all such good memories. Sorry if this post offends you or something but I'm the type of person that dwells too much in the past and cautiously wander into the future. I'm afraid of living and knowing what will come with time. I don't want to let go of my memories and the people with it. I just want time to stand still. And again, sorry if this post is terribly written, it's being written while I'm not in a particularly good mood. Excuse the mistakes. Goodnight and I love all of you.