miss me, but let me go
My father was a great man. He's a man of many but never one who abandons his family. I admit, when I was younger, when he was out and about doing his thing, trying to recreate the glory that our family had a decade or two ago, I missed him. I complained to myself that he wasn't around enough. Or when he was around, he wasn't with me, instead he was in his world putting numbers in place. I admit, when I was younger, I looked around and saw other kids happily enjoying their days with their father, that I felt sad and wished for a father like that.
But how wrong was I? After putting aside my ignorance and naivety, I have come to terms with what I have and what I do not have. I've realized that without my father, this father, I wouldn't be here. Did you know, that my love for books and knowledge, actually came from my dad? Thank you dad, this is a gift I will never let go. I remember when we were younger, I was known as the "kampung boy" because I would be the only one to go , willingly and forced , to Kuala Penyu, with him. I even remembered every detail of the house we stayed in. Kak Ita's house. Oh what a simple life it was back then. Last week when I went back for the funeral, I stood at the place where I would normally be when I was younger, and all these memories came back to me. I remembered seeing buffalos grazing the grass. Though, this time, the buffalos weren't there no more, but the overgrown grass was. The smell of fresh air.
That was , in such a long time, was a time where I never had any buzzing sound through my brain. Even while writing this, there's a slight annoyance going through my head. It's the effect of too much technology. Too much modernisation. Too complex. It was so simple back then. It can still be if you want it to be.
"You only know who your friends are when you're dead."
Without a doubt, I knew my dad was an influential man. He once told me, that he built the road to Kuala Penyu with his own hand. And hearing his past, I am not surprised if it's true. After he passed away though, we were talking during dinner one night, and my Godma said that, when there was a curfew imposed on Sabah years ago, my dad was in the airport requiring someone to fetch him. So my godma went with his car, long after the curfew hours. Not only did the soldiers let her go, they even saluted her because they recognize who's car it belongs to. That was how great he is.
"No words can bring him back."
I could write a book on you and still couldn't get every single bit. Pa, you're an amazing man. I love you. I miss you. Thanks for being there when I couldn't. Thanks for supporting me through thin and thick. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better son. I'm thankful you were the greatest dad I could have asked. I will miss you, pa. Happy fathers day.
But how wrong was I? After putting aside my ignorance and naivety, I have come to terms with what I have and what I do not have. I've realized that without my father, this father, I wouldn't be here. Did you know, that my love for books and knowledge, actually came from my dad? Thank you dad, this is a gift I will never let go. I remember when we were younger, I was known as the "kampung boy" because I would be the only one to go , willingly and forced , to Kuala Penyu, with him. I even remembered every detail of the house we stayed in. Kak Ita's house. Oh what a simple life it was back then. Last week when I went back for the funeral, I stood at the place where I would normally be when I was younger, and all these memories came back to me. I remembered seeing buffalos grazing the grass. Though, this time, the buffalos weren't there no more, but the overgrown grass was. The smell of fresh air.
That was , in such a long time, was a time where I never had any buzzing sound through my brain. Even while writing this, there's a slight annoyance going through my head. It's the effect of too much technology. Too much modernisation. Too complex. It was so simple back then. It can still be if you want it to be.
"You only know who your friends are when you're dead."
Without a doubt, I knew my dad was an influential man. He once told me, that he built the road to Kuala Penyu with his own hand. And hearing his past, I am not surprised if it's true. After he passed away though, we were talking during dinner one night, and my Godma said that, when there was a curfew imposed on Sabah years ago, my dad was in the airport requiring someone to fetch him. So my godma went with his car, long after the curfew hours. Not only did the soldiers let her go, they even saluted her because they recognize who's car it belongs to. That was how great he is.
"No words can bring him back."
I could write a book on you and still couldn't get every single bit. Pa, you're an amazing man. I love you. I miss you. Thanks for being there when I couldn't. Thanks for supporting me through thin and thick. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better son. I'm thankful you were the greatest dad I could have asked. I will miss you, pa. Happy fathers day.
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