Regrets.

Regret is an unusual word. It's one of those words where there is both happiness and solace in it. It has it's own world but without its existence, everything in this world would change. It's one of those words where we know of its existence and its meaning without knowing the actual word. Essentially, it plays a big part in how we live even though we truly don't want it to be here. It's part of the never ending cycle of life.

In my previous post (x), I mentioned that I get angry at myself for doing the things that I shouldn't be doing and not doing the things I should be doing. Take college for instance. Before I enrolled to become a BAC student, I was contemplating whether to take Law or Psychology or both of them. And currently, I'm regretting that I took law and not psychology. But what if I did took psychology instead of law? Will I be better off with it? I could be happier with it than I am with law. Or I could be far worse with it than I am now with law. Who knows? Life will still go on, with regret, no matter what choice you make. We never know what wrongs have we made until we actually took that last step to venture into it.

Tons of my biggest regrets has origins from the same place, my anxiety. There has been many occasion where I bail out or not go to an event because of it. One of the clearest memory I have of it was a few years back on one of the special days. I couldn't remember which one was it. Back then, I was alone at home because I didn't want to went out with my family to the usual gathering with family friends. Then the lads decided to had a celebration at the park near my place. And them knowing where I stay, decided to come and invite me out. They came in and knocked on my door and when I refused to go out, they sprayed the foam in and that ticked me. I got pissed off and they just left. I was wrong to be a dick then. I was wrong to be a sour note on such a good night. I'm sorry guys, if you're reading this. I should have just took a moment to breath, let the mind stop for a second. But I didn't and I made a rash decision.

After that happened, I was pissed off. I was pissed off at them, at the short term. But I despised myself for that, in the long run. I was pissed at myself for not joining them and missing out on all the potential fun I could have had. Maybe it was from that experience that I'm now a little bit more willing to join them. Nowadays, when they invite me out and all, initially I would hesitate, but I would still join them in the end even though my anxiety refuses to give in. So what if I had a bad time? At least I'm out and not being indoors spending my time staring at the ceiling. So what then?

Regrets are a funny thing. I would want them off my life but I'm grateful for them for who I am today. Without regrets, I'm not the Stan that you know of today. I could be another Stan. Who know what will happen then? Will I have represented the school on another occasion had I not given up on football practice? Would I have went to MSSD had I continue the stint I had training with the athletes. What then?

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6 Steps in Learning to Love Yourself

1. See the good in your past. There will always be things that we wish had never happened; there will always be bad memories and things that we regret. But they are part of who you are – so accept that they have happened and celebrate the person they’ve allowed you to become.

2. Invest time in the things that bring you happiness. It’s important to identify the things that you enjoy, and that make you come alive, and are all a part of “you”. Spending time on those things will help to raise your self-esteem, as you’re valuing yourself when you pursue happiness.

3. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. We all make mistakes - and when we think of them we cringe. But that doesn’t make you any worse than other people. Just try and learn what you can, and then move on with your life.

4. Stop criticising yourself. So often we’re really our own worst enemy. We look for our flaws, and we put ourselves down – instead of being understanding of our own limitations. It’s time to change that behaviour – so start loving yourself.

5. Listen to your instincts and intuitions. If you want to love yourself, you must listen to yourself. Pay attention to those instincts and your instant gut reaction – and trust that you are right when you hear that inner voice.

6. Appreciate your life. Of course there are things that you wish that you could change. But some things are good, and are worth appreciating. So, focus on, appreciate, and make lots of your strengths."