Rationality

Human beings are a special kind. Evolved from animals and assumed position as the dominant species of the planet.  With that evolution, we gained the invaluable ability of thoughts. Not to say that the rest of our friends on Earth does not possess the ability to think. They do have, but to a certain extent. And one of the most fundamental part of our ability to think, is the ability to rationalize things.

And this ability to rationalize thing is one ability that makes me both glad to be human and despise being a one. I'm the half half bastard who's head is never in place and whose feet are never grounded.

It feels great to be able to rationalize things and figure out what's for the better, for me and the people around me. It feels great to be the float that's keeping some up and not putting them in the depths of certain doom. It feels great to look at the work of art that was born from this hands of mine.




But after awhile of a reclusive stay and world and people observation, coupled with the time that one possess to think through things, I've come to a conclusion that the ability to think is a terrible gift and I do not want it. I'd sooner give it away to someone more deserving and let them enjoy the amazing life that God has grant, for I do not deserve it for all the sins that I've commit and for all the clouds in my mind.

Question Of Love

"It's been awhile since I've developed a mere crush to a serious affection for someone that lasts more than a blink of an eye. More often than not, my mind feeds me terrible thoughts. There's this movie, of which I can't remember the name of, but whose storyline is an incredible one. In the movie, the protagonist, a girl was broken by the dishonest and terrible man, has developed and made a list containing the pros and cons when meeting someone of slew affection. And if the cons outweighs the pros, the man's name is erased from the list and is forever gone from her life.

But there is a man who has stayed in her life for the most part of her life. He has been a constant rock in her life, be it the times where her heart was ripped to pieces to the time where she swore she was dancing on the moon. One day, she felt a different way to the man and made a list of pros and cons of him, in the end, through the plots and twists of the movie, she eventually finished her list. On the list, she mentioned that the cons does outweighs the pros. But that didn't matter. She ripped up her list and said, the thought of waking up without you is unbearable. I want to be with you forever. I will complete your flaw and you will mine."

Ever since I've watched this movie, I've been trying to look for one that completes my flaw and made me glad to be alive. But every time I thought I found the one, my mind automatically made the list of pros and cons and start to rationalize things in one way or another. And most of the time, scratch that, all the time, the cons outweighs the pros, albeit, not on their side but on mine. I'm a character full of sadness and despair and I wish not to inflict my unfortunate thoughts and vibe upon others who deserved much more than the presence and companion that is me.

In the end, the world's going to go on with or without the presence of one. In the end, it's a "Eat you,eat me" kind of world. In the end, the one's holding the gun wins.

In the end, it ends.