Self-Realization

All my life, like all other kids of my generations, we've been into video games and some may have it under control, and some let it take over their life. One notable genre I've been in love with since young was the one they call RPG, a role playing game in which you take control of one ( or more ) characters and interact with NPCs ( non-player characters ) and sometimes other player characters in your quest to save someone or the world or something of that sort.

Why am I talking about this? Maybe I've been playing too much of these games. Or games for that matter. But I sort of base my life interacting with people as how I interact with these NPCs. What do I mean? Like take buying an ice-cream from the ice cream vendor, I guess it's easy for me to forget that that ice cream seller is a human being and not a computer generated character whose sole purpose is to stay there and sell you ice cream. I know it's mean for me to say it.

It's been on the news for years, with the ever impending doom ( fyi, I'm still adamant that this "doom" is not one of natural cause or is it from the Almighty One above us, but it's man-made, human nature will drive humanity to the dirt and all we know as life will end when that day comes ) that's bound to happen to Earth, with the disappearance of MH370, the tragic shooting down of MH17, the missing AirAsia QZ 8501, the invasion of Crimea, the kidnapping of Boko Haram, the Islamic State, and of course, the shooting of Charlie Hebdo, ( God, bless their souls ) , I'm sorry to say but before this year, all those tragic life lost in floods and tsunamis and earthquakes and all that, have never meant much to me. All I would do is shrug my shoulder and say, " meh." 

I'm devastated to say that, and I'm sorry too but with the first tragic crisis of the year, it sort of flicked a switch in me. No longer will I say meh of them. I now realized that each and every one of them is a human being equipped with what I call the deadliest of weapon, our soul. When MH370 went missing, initially I feared that one of my own large family is on that plane, you wouldn't know the relieve I sighed when she called in to say that she's safe. But moments after that, I felt terrible knowing that there are hundreds if not thousands out there having the same feeling as I had but not the relieve afterwards.

When I passed my dad his final goodbye, I knew what death meant, and how it felt. Initially, death to me was the lost of someone. Sounds reasonable right? But it's not just that. When I first told my dad had moved on, I was on my bed, sleeping, it was probably around 4am, I couldn't felt a thing. There were no tears, there were no emotions, nothing. Nothingness filled me, knowing that something was gone. The next few days ,the tears that were gone at 4am was back every time I saw him in his little box. It's not just losing someone, it's that he's right there in front of you but his soul is not. And that you can't do anything about it. But cry.

I don't know how to conclude this post today, I don't know what's the purpose I wrote this today, what planned out to be one turned out to be another. There's probably a thousand and one grammatical errors in this post, just as ever and please, correct me on those errors, but I'm too dumb to know what's my mistake without anyone pointing it out. To end this post, I'd like to say, all life matters, I mourn and cry for every lives lost, I cherish every moment I get to spend with human beings, and I'd love everyone I should love.