Mirror

9:04pm
29/09/2015

Two weeks ago, I was given an assignment by Mr. Floy in Information and Tech class, in which I had to prepare a presentation on How Media Portrays Men. This post is not going to be about that, but rather, a certain phrase I wrote on it, which was, "Any representation of men in the media, is likely to mirror itself into reality."

...

Mirror itself into reality.

That phrase stuck to me. In a way, does how I showcase myself on these social media, my twitter, my instagram, my blog, are they a gateway into my life?

9:52pm

29/09/2015                                                                                                                                 Take Two

Take two because I actually gave up while writing that sentence. Not knowing what else to put or what's the point of this post. To be honest, I still don't know what's the point. But, I guess it's one of my way to battle my anxieties. 

You see, I am not a very confident man. And I do show that in my social profile. So I guess it's true that it is an exact mirror to my reality? But here's the issue. I don't want that. I don't want to be anxious anymore. I want to be a confident human being. When I first began the semester, each time I went up for a speech or a presentation, my hands would shake like the coming of the apocalypse. But after 6 weeks, it still shakes, but less. It used to be that the whole room could see my shaking hands, now, maybe half of it? 

And in a way, I enjoy being presented the chance to speak up. I used to be so scared to raise my hands to voice out my opinion or to ask for further clarification but these days, I'm fine. I'm fine doing that, I'm fine going up to class to speak, albeit I have to have preparation, if not I would be having a slight panic attack. Anyhow, here's what I fear.  

I fear that I'm so controlled by my fears and anxiety that I let it become me. That when you think of Stanleigh Jenkins, you think of the kid who's always shaking in anxiety. And that exact fear is probably going to be the sole reason why I'm going to live alone for the rest of my life. 

10:00pm

29/09/2015