Clear The Board

1:14am
8/10/2015

I've always thought I was special when I was a kid. Not the specialty that one would feel in the family or in the school. But spiritually, as a person. And that's funny, considering how I'm not much of a spiritual person.

You see, when I was a kid, I would go to church with my dad on Sundays for almost every Sunday, especially the earlier years of our time together. But for all the time I've spent in church, I never really consider myself a true Christian. I don't know how to conduct a prayer properly, I don't know the essence of being a Christian and all that.

That said, I would pray, not as much now as I did back then. But since I do not know how to pray, the proper way. I would just talk to God the way I talk to another person. Here's the funny thing, even though I hadn't prayed the right way, my prayers did come true. For the most part. Even for those that honestly would do me good had the prayer stayed prayers and not reality.

But that was years ago. I think God has finally laid the final nail and given up on me. I do not mind my prayers went unheard, but I mind being played. (Note, this is NOT an attack on God and religion, I just cannot think of a better way to rephrase it.) It is as if I'm in a game with God himself but with no way of winning. Whenever I have made a purported right move, I would be faced with a bigger obstacle. Take one step forward and be thrown two steps back.

Sometime's it's tiring and much demotivating though, don't you think? Sometimes all I need is a proper break and to have one good day with literally 0 mistakes. I've had that a few times in my life and it felt great. So here's to having more great days.

And for your information, even though I consider myself not a religious person, I still appreciate the existence of God in both my and everyone else's lives because sometimes he's just the person we need to be pushed forward.

1:29am
8/10/2015

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