Burnout
10:45pm
5/11/2015
Let me tell you all a little story, there was a period of one, maybe two weeks last month that I have no actually memory of living, living the moment that is. I know I was alive. It's just that my unconscious mind was running my body. When I finally woke up one day, realizing what was happening and actually took control of my body and my mind, I went, "Wait, that was all real. It wasn't a dream. I really went blank during class. I really got called for doing badly for my test. I did this, I did that."
Part of the reason why I felt that way, was because I wasn't 100% right in the mind. I had things bothering me, to such the extent that I could literally felt it in my body. Dying to get out from the enclosed cage of my ribs, climbing up to my chest with swords in their hand, stab, move, stab. Then it crawls to my head and start unplugging the wires.
The other reason was probably because I was so burnout. I was sick that time. The drowsiness that you get from being sick, you probably know what I mean. It feels like you're floating all the time. Added with all the assignments and responsibilities, I just couldn't take it anymore. Today I realized something about it. In addition of all those things, social media is leaving an emotional and physically toll on me. In the past hour, I have refreshed Facebook and Twitter probably about 300 times, even when I know there's nothing on it that's going to intrigue me.
And frankly saying, I'm feeling the same way this week. I'm falling sick (once again, probably the sixth time this year), I'm overload with assignments once again, group assignments to that, I'm refreshing all my feeds once again, and I don't know what to feel anymore. Oh and here's a thing that has something to do with this post, they say don't write when you're angry or sad, I'm breaking that rule. And this post is either not going to go up or it's not going to be good. I guess I just want something to go up since it's been awhile since the last one. Will it though?
Growing up, I felt that I wasn't one of those kids. Heck, I don't even feel like those adults. So what do I feel like? So naturally, what do you do when you feel different and want part of those cliques? You change, and you try to win them over. Fast forward years later today, and I'm still doing that. And I am so tired of it. I'm so tired of "layan-ing" people when I want to be left alone. I'm so tired of doing their part. And this you would kill me, I'm so tired for feeling bad if I think shit of people. But my reasoning was cause, yknow, they accepted me. I feel happy around them, most of the time. And they're great people. Everyone I've met in degree has been great so far. I can't complain.
But I am. Why? Cause I'm a fucked up messed up asshole, that's why.
I need a break.
1:18am
6/11/2015
5/11/2015
 |
| Ben Barlow ( Neck Deep ) because they're one of the few people that's actually keeping me afloat this year. |
Part of the reason why I felt that way, was because I wasn't 100% right in the mind. I had things bothering me, to such the extent that I could literally felt it in my body. Dying to get out from the enclosed cage of my ribs, climbing up to my chest with swords in their hand, stab, move, stab. Then it crawls to my head and start unplugging the wires.
The other reason was probably because I was so burnout. I was sick that time. The drowsiness that you get from being sick, you probably know what I mean. It feels like you're floating all the time. Added with all the assignments and responsibilities, I just couldn't take it anymore. Today I realized something about it. In addition of all those things, social media is leaving an emotional and physically toll on me. In the past hour, I have refreshed Facebook and Twitter probably about 300 times, even when I know there's nothing on it that's going to intrigue me.
And frankly saying, I'm feeling the same way this week. I'm falling sick (once again, probably the sixth time this year), I'm overload with assignments once again, group assignments to that, I'm refreshing all my feeds once again, and I don't know what to feel anymore. Oh and here's a thing that has something to do with this post, they say don't write when you're angry or sad, I'm breaking that rule. And this post is either not going to go up or it's not going to be good. I guess I just want something to go up since it's been awhile since the last one. Will it though?
Growing up, I felt that I wasn't one of those kids. Heck, I don't even feel like those adults. So what do I feel like? So naturally, what do you do when you feel different and want part of those cliques? You change, and you try to win them over. Fast forward years later today, and I'm still doing that. And I am so tired of it. I'm so tired of "layan-ing" people when I want to be left alone. I'm so tired of doing their part. And this you would kill me, I'm so tired for feeling bad if I think shit of people. But my reasoning was cause, yknow, they accepted me. I feel happy around them, most of the time. And they're great people. Everyone I've met in degree has been great so far. I can't complain.But I am. Why? Cause I'm a fucked up messed up asshole, that's why.
I need a break.
1:18am
6/11/2015
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