Unmasked

5:22pm

1/1/2016

Earlier this week, I stumbled upon a thread on Reddit. It was on the r/INFJ sub and while I know I shouldn't rely on it too much, I just can't help but play the scene through my head over and over again. This time, the thread mentions that, and I quote, "Why is it that we INFJs can make the absolute best of friends but the worst pain in the ass lovers?"

This isn't a post to lament or to bash the people that were unfortunate enough to be called my lover at any point of my life. I don't blame them. In the thread, one mentioned that it's cause we share so much stuff with our partner that we wouldn't dare to share with our friends. And I guess I did that too. Maybe too much too soon? That's a shame. That was the past and oh well, we just gotta move forward from it.

Now this post is to dedicate 4 people in my life. By now you should have a clue on who I'm talking about. They're the absolutely dumbest, annoying piece of cotton wool of a person. It's a wonder that we managed to get 6 years behind us without us falling apart. It's a wonder you guys could put up with all the shits I do. It's a wonder you guys would consider I the best of friends that I do to you.

"For me bliss is being able to sit down in the same room with someone close and not feel obligated to talk, I can't feel the anxiety of the other person because there is none. We've achieved a zen like state because there is no persona being displayed, there's no act at hand, its two people simply embracing each others company.

For me, the only way to achieve this is to share the most personal part of myself, the things I keep locked away from even myself to remind when I'm having too good of a time to slow down, don't enjoy it too much because you still have these problems to deal with, they're what take me out of the moment and stop me from embracing the situation im In to its fullest extent. When I reveal these to someone something strange happens, I no longer wear the mask that I did before around them to keep my calm and collected self on display, I don't feel the need to impress, talk if I don't have something genuine to say, or be anxious. I'm simply "me," but in a way its not me, its something different, its a state that I can only achieve when I know I'm in the presence of someone who understands me, my motives, the reason I do most things and feel a certain way. Its what gives me the feeling of being "whole," I never want more when I'm in this state, the world could be burning around me and I'd find a way to make the best of it."

This is in here because Instagram screwed up the format and I'm bitter about it and it took me 3-4 hours for it.

What I couldn't find in a lover (yet), I found in the 4 of them. I truly believe that aside from my family, y'know what, scratch that, they're family. I truly believe that there's nothing or anyone in the world that I love more than them. Nothing in the world could even come close to the satisfaction in seeing the joys of the world coming out from them. Nothing in the world could cause more pain seeing the tremors in their chest, closing them in.

It's okay if the right one is not going to come in 2016, because I have the right four for the rest of my life.

7:15pm
1/1/2016

2:32am
2/1/2016