whats eating ___
1:08am
16/05/2016
This post could go two way. Either it's going to be short and less messy or it's going to be long af and messy af. Because honestly, my mind's tired but it's not shutting down anytime soon. So here goes nothing. Also, this is nothing like my previous posts. They're like a raw insight of what my mind went through, NOT what my mind thinks. If that makes sense.
Yesterday (15/05/2016) was honestly one of the worst days I've ever had. Not because of how terrible the day went but because of the toll it had on my mind. It wasn't like I was physically beaten but it felt that way. The ordeal of the 15th didn't start on the 15th but actually a couple of days before.
I had felt something was off that day. I was exhausted. Exhausted can't even comprehend how tired I am. It felt as if someone plugged pipe into my body and siphon all the energy out. I went and played pool later that day but my energy was so drained, I almost fell asleep by the table. The same can be said later that evening during dinner. It was the same case the next day. Usually I would head to bed around 2-3am but for this past two nights, I was already tucked in bed by 12, even 10pm. Even my mom was shocked I went up so early.
Okay, 15th. I slept for a total of 15 hours. Total, not consecutively. And even then, I felt drained. It was from 12-12 then I woke up for lunch and went back to sleep until 5. The odd thing was, I felt the need to be awake at 4:47am and it was the calmest I had felt the whole week. That one minute of calm was the ship I needed to be on the rough sea of my mind.
It's not just exhaustion that had my mind in its mouth. It was sort of like being... stoned? It wasn't like weed stoned, but acid stoned. The kind of stoned that would get you admitted into the hospital. Imagine what you see, hear, and feel comes out different from reality. I was in the shower earlier and I swear I heard raindrops outside. But when I turn the knob and water flowed through from the showerhead, I no longer hear the raindrops. Not even when I turned the water off again.
That night I tried to sleep. How ironic is it that I couldn't sleep after all that? I tried to sleep but my mind won't shut up. I used to thought, if only my mind is empty, I would be able to sleep soundly for as long as I like. Oh how wrong was I. What's scary isn't how the noise just kept coming into my hollowed brain, but the silence of it when there was no more thought. It was at that moment where I felt truly alone.
The cold crept up my skin and took it as its own. The rains of 2 in the morning were crying, begging to be let in. And the echoes of my cries were swallowed in the now empty mind of mine. Voiceless and mindless, lonesome was I.
there may be a follow up post tomorrow or in the next few days
1:47am
16/05/2016
16/05/2016
This post could go two way. Either it's going to be short and less messy or it's going to be long af and messy af. Because honestly, my mind's tired but it's not shutting down anytime soon. So here goes nothing. Also, this is nothing like my previous posts. They're like a raw insight of what my mind went through, NOT what my mind thinks. If that makes sense.
Yesterday (15/05/2016) was honestly one of the worst days I've ever had. Not because of how terrible the day went but because of the toll it had on my mind. It wasn't like I was physically beaten but it felt that way. The ordeal of the 15th didn't start on the 15th but actually a couple of days before.
I had felt something was off that day. I was exhausted. Exhausted can't even comprehend how tired I am. It felt as if someone plugged pipe into my body and siphon all the energy out. I went and played pool later that day but my energy was so drained, I almost fell asleep by the table. The same can be said later that evening during dinner. It was the same case the next day. Usually I would head to bed around 2-3am but for this past two nights, I was already tucked in bed by 12, even 10pm. Even my mom was shocked I went up so early.
Okay, 15th. I slept for a total of 15 hours. Total, not consecutively. And even then, I felt drained. It was from 12-12 then I woke up for lunch and went back to sleep until 5. The odd thing was, I felt the need to be awake at 4:47am and it was the calmest I had felt the whole week. That one minute of calm was the ship I needed to be on the rough sea of my mind.
It's not just exhaustion that had my mind in its mouth. It was sort of like being... stoned? It wasn't like weed stoned, but acid stoned. The kind of stoned that would get you admitted into the hospital. Imagine what you see, hear, and feel comes out different from reality. I was in the shower earlier and I swear I heard raindrops outside. But when I turn the knob and water flowed through from the showerhead, I no longer hear the raindrops. Not even when I turned the water off again.That night I tried to sleep. How ironic is it that I couldn't sleep after all that? I tried to sleep but my mind won't shut up. I used to thought, if only my mind is empty, I would be able to sleep soundly for as long as I like. Oh how wrong was I. What's scary isn't how the noise just kept coming into my hollowed brain, but the silence of it when there was no more thought. It was at that moment where I felt truly alone.
The cold crept up my skin and took it as its own. The rains of 2 in the morning were crying, begging to be let in. And the echoes of my cries were swallowed in the now empty mind of mine. Voiceless and mindless, lonesome was I.
there may be a follow up post tomorrow or in the next few days
1:47am
16/05/2016
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