Get Lost

10:54pm

9/10/2016

The other day I was talking to a friend who was stressed out about things in his life. Work is piling up, studies got his head all twirled up and I quote, "Everything came shooting in." After calming him, telling that there's no point in worrying, just to stay calm and start planning and doing stuffs, he'll be fine. And he did just that and said something that got me thinking, that I was simply the best for helping him once more.

But am I really? The best I mean. When he said that I realized it was more of a figure of speech than anything. It also means I'm someone that he holds dearly. But do I really truly deserve the title of "the best"? I don't think so. Unbeknownst to him, I have my own problems. I just don't speak of them. I don't believe in exposing your problems if you're not looking for a solution. I believe I have the solutions to my own problem, just not the right set of mind to it. Hence, why I've been putting off so many things that could benefit my life by a lot.

Back to the topic at hand, when someone label another as the best. I believe they mean them in the aspect of both physical and mental. I could be in a better physical shape that's for sure. But mentally, I ain't sane man. I don't mean that in the Jack the Ripper crazy kind. I mean in the I'm a whole lot of fucked up shit and I'm all the shitty person in the world combined kind. I am far from the best.

My mind cycles through certain stages every so often. My mind just passed through the stage of insomnia (I hope so) last week. The week before I had extreme lethargicness even though I had more than enough sleep. What's coming in the weeks after today? Loss of appetite? Loss of energy? Pits of depression? Suicidal thoughts? Who knows?

All I know right now is that I'm tired and I don't want to do anything any more. I don't want to put up with all the bullshit I'm surrounded with. I don't want to align myself with things and ideas I do not like. I do not want to do the things I do not want. Simple as that.

My mind has never been decisive. Since a few months back, and especially at this current stage I find myself in, I have been questioning whether or not I am taking the right major and the right course. For the former, I keep thinking, y'know what, maybe I should taken up public relations instead. For the latter, I keep thinking I should have continued law instead. For everything, I keep thinking whether I should just drop everything and just get a job and get lost somewhere in the world. Maybe that's what we're all supposed to do.

"To be lost in this wild world we find ourselves in."

11:16pm
9/10/2016

// Mad Sounds // Artic Monkeys