Aspiration or Dreams? [2]

2:51am
21/1/2017

There's a huge difference between aspiration and dreams, and it's not only important but a great help to know the difference between the two. I won't tell you the difference from an academic perspective because you can find out about that yourself. But merely, from my own tiny little perspective.

You see, from the way I see it, aspiration is what I yearn to be in the future. What I wish to achieve. So what do I wish to achieve? I want to cast aside all the negativity that roams the Earth and beyond and be happy for what I have. Have I achieved that? To be honest, I feel like while I'm not on top of the world (yet), I do not feel close to the bottom and I'm thankful for that. I wake up everyday, no longer feeling listless and dead, but instead I yearn to go to class and actually have a good time, except Wednesday of course.

Dreams on the other hand, feels more distant. Come to think about it, I don't really know the stark differences between the two. I can't explain it in words but all that comes to mind are real life examples. When I was a kid, I always felt I was special. Before you laugh it off and call me a vain selfish bitch, stay and read. As oppose to now, I've always felt I had an abundant of talent in me and much blessings from God.

Whilst I wasn't a incredible devout of faith, I always felt that every prayers of mine was heard and I had every blessing needed to go through the day. For whatever reason, I just did not followed through with it anymore and to be honest, I sometimes feel lonely in that sense. And no, don't try to preach me today because this is not a call for that. Maybe sometime in the future, but not today.

And that's not to say I had a bad childhood, in fact I had a relatively great one. Aside from the stuffs I mentioned in previous posts, I never told any of you guys this but I was talented in sports. Forget about football, I sucked the shit out of that sport and I quit really quickly. But I did had some coaching lessons for badminton and swimming and for both sports, I had praises for my abilities and had I continued, I truly believe I could make a career out of it.

But alas, I succumbed to laziness and well, circumstances. I dropped the sports shortly after I left Sabah and coming to a whole new place without any friends, I guess that's where I lost all my confidence and hence, all my determination to continue the sport.

They always say, a huge event in your childhood sticks with you forever. And I guess my moving here stuck with me. It isn't always a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I appreciate all the people that I have met since I got here but can't stop to wonder, what if I had stayed there and stuck with my training? Could I have been National Teammate with a family friend of mine in Sabah who made a career out of swimming? Could I have rubbed shoulder to shoulder with the man who brought fame to Malaysia from his adventures on the court? I guess that's only and will forever stay a distant dream..

3:13am
21/1/2017

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