Doubts [3]
3:20am
10/2/2017
It's late and I should be asleep for hours now but I chose not to and I may regret that now. But considering I am out, I am unwilling to let the negativity that comes with this kind of timing, so I decided to write something out. What thing to be exact? Truly, I don't know.
Let's start off by setting the mood. Every chapter of every story has to start with the setting right? Even though the night isn't that cold, but I'm feeling a lil chilly partly because of the five-days straight of diarrhea, that was a personal hell fyi and today is the first day that I truly felt normal. Audio voice, Day6 is playing, and they're really good. Speaking about that, it's been awhile since I listened to anything rock and it's a refreshing tune really. A refreshing peek into the past.
When I reminiscence into my past, often I'd think and share of the joy and happiness that goes with it. But what I don't share (publicly) is the doubts and anxieties of it. Especially at 3:30 in the morning, the doubts hit me stronger. And I guess it's not just me. Most people up at this hour are either slaving their lives away on their work or aspiring to be the next Dendi or Fallen (Dota and CSGO legends), or they're letting their ghost catch up to themselves.
See, life is a race. Ignore those people who say it's a race against other humankind. What is life when all you're doing is going up against each other without improving your own self. It's a three-way race between the present you, the future you and the past you. Which you are you going to let win the race?
Will you let your past catch up to you and eat you alive?
If you do that, you're going to be haunted by anxiety and the what ifs and eventually lose the will to improve yourself as a person and to contribute to the betterment of your life, family and society. I believe in karma and whatever good you'll do to the world will be returned to you tenfold. Forget about the naysayers and haters who are out there to belittle and put you down, what good will that do to them aside from the satisfaction that they get if you do just that. Don't give them that. Don't give them a shred of hope of feeling satisfied. Get out ahead and look them in the eyes and say, "Not this life."
Will you let your future race on ahead and be unattainable?
If you let your future race to be so far ahead of you, you'll find your dreams further and further away and eventually lose the will even to stand up and take the next step. Let the future you be the rabbit. Let him lead from the beginning of your life so you can have a goal to look forward to. You want to be faster than your past. Then you want to be so good that you might catch up to your future. Then you want to be at your future where you achieve your dreams. But then you realized, there's another participant in the race and that's also called your future you. And repeat the cycle.
Or, will you speed ahead and leave them in the dust?
Lastly, there's you. You decide your fate. I know some might say the world just isn't fit for you to bloom and shine in. Nah man, take that mentality. Crush it into a ball and burn it. You take whatever comes at you and you bulldoze your way through. Because only you can decide if you had a good day. And only you can decide if you had a good life. What do you want to tell your grandkids in the future when they're asking about your life.
You want to tell them you couldn't have asked for a better life.
3:38am
10/2/2017
10/2/2017
It's late and I should be asleep for hours now but I chose not to and I may regret that now. But considering I am out, I am unwilling to let the negativity that comes with this kind of timing, so I decided to write something out. What thing to be exact? Truly, I don't know.
Let's start off by setting the mood. Every chapter of every story has to start with the setting right? Even though the night isn't that cold, but I'm feeling a lil chilly partly because of the five-days straight of diarrhea, that was a personal hell fyi and today is the first day that I truly felt normal. Audio voice, Day6 is playing, and they're really good. Speaking about that, it's been awhile since I listened to anything rock and it's a refreshing tune really. A refreshing peek into the past.
When I reminiscence into my past, often I'd think and share of the joy and happiness that goes with it. But what I don't share (publicly) is the doubts and anxieties of it. Especially at 3:30 in the morning, the doubts hit me stronger. And I guess it's not just me. Most people up at this hour are either slaving their lives away on their work or aspiring to be the next Dendi or Fallen (Dota and CSGO legends), or they're letting their ghost catch up to themselves.
See, life is a race. Ignore those people who say it's a race against other humankind. What is life when all you're doing is going up against each other without improving your own self. It's a three-way race between the present you, the future you and the past you. Which you are you going to let win the race?
Will you let your past catch up to you and eat you alive?
If you do that, you're going to be haunted by anxiety and the what ifs and eventually lose the will to improve yourself as a person and to contribute to the betterment of your life, family and society. I believe in karma and whatever good you'll do to the world will be returned to you tenfold. Forget about the naysayers and haters who are out there to belittle and put you down, what good will that do to them aside from the satisfaction that they get if you do just that. Don't give them that. Don't give them a shred of hope of feeling satisfied. Get out ahead and look them in the eyes and say, "Not this life."
Will you let your future race on ahead and be unattainable?
If you let your future race to be so far ahead of you, you'll find your dreams further and further away and eventually lose the will even to stand up and take the next step. Let the future you be the rabbit. Let him lead from the beginning of your life so you can have a goal to look forward to. You want to be faster than your past. Then you want to be so good that you might catch up to your future. Then you want to be at your future where you achieve your dreams. But then you realized, there's another participant in the race and that's also called your future you. And repeat the cycle.
Or, will you speed ahead and leave them in the dust?
Lastly, there's you. You decide your fate. I know some might say the world just isn't fit for you to bloom and shine in. Nah man, take that mentality. Crush it into a ball and burn it. You take whatever comes at you and you bulldoze your way through. Because only you can decide if you had a good day. And only you can decide if you had a good life. What do you want to tell your grandkids in the future when they're asking about your life.
You want to tell them you couldn't have asked for a better life.
3:38am
10/2/2017
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