Revelation
23/05/2018
This blog is my own sanctuary. It is a place where I can be perfectly honest and no lies would be found here. And I'm sure by now you guys would've read that I wasn't in a good place recently. And I thought I was going to dwell more into that today. Giving you guys justification as to why I am so down. But then a flick of a switch happened. Just like it flicked to turn me to negative. It flicked back to gave me absolute hope and delight.
You see I was broken. I was jealous and more importantly, I kept overthinking things that I know would never happen. I kept overthinking situations into it could be a contender for fiction of the year. And it absolutely crippled me. It render me absolute useless and there was nothing I could've done about it.
But I kept going and I kept trying, with all the help I could get from you, bb. You've been an absolute rock to me and I know with all your support I could overcome this anxiety and depression that has been eating me alive for years now. I know I would get better. I want to build a family with you and I know without you here for me, I'd be in an absolute shambles.
And for some reason, God flicked the switch once again. Or at least I'd like to think so. I feel much better. But I have to tell you the whole story first. I had an absolute terrible day. I had wanted to puke. I was nauseated. There were stabbings to my heart, I couldn't breathe. I cried on the way back home today. I had kept everything to my heart and when I spoke the truth out, the heart started to send waves of tears to my eyes. It was embarrassing. I couldn't eat dinner properly, I had lost my appetite. I felt bad because my mom was excited to see me and talk to me and I tried to put up a proper conversation with my mum.
I thought I would get into the shower and feel sad again. Coming out, I put on some mask to my face and something just flicked. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw posts from @JohnnyWHarris and @JackHarries. Both excellent filmmakers of their lives and I've decided a proper, concrete life goal for myself.
I'm currently counting down the days to the end of my internship in AirAsia. Don't get me wrong. The people in AA are absolutely amazing and I love the team. It's just the distance and the commute back is hell and the fact I couldn't see my beloved bb everyday after work, breaking a promise I made a long time ago that we would have dinner after work.
And I thought about it, what would I do for my full time job? I guess after seeing the posts from Johnny and Jack, I believed I found what I wanted to do. It has always been a thought in my mind but I didn't really pursue it. I want to be a filmmaker. I want to document all things good and bad in the world. I want to save all the love and hatred in the world and showcase it to the world. And I hope this dream lasts, that this is my personal life goal.
Will I be able to achieve it? I'm not sure but I sure hope it's giving me back the life and hope of life that has long been missing from my life.
And to you Joey, I love you so much and thanks for sticking by me when I was an absolute bitch. You deserve someone stronger than me and I will be stronger and more successful for you.
This blog is my own sanctuary. It is a place where I can be perfectly honest and no lies would be found here. And I'm sure by now you guys would've read that I wasn't in a good place recently. And I thought I was going to dwell more into that today. Giving you guys justification as to why I am so down. But then a flick of a switch happened. Just like it flicked to turn me to negative. It flicked back to gave me absolute hope and delight.
You see I was broken. I was jealous and more importantly, I kept overthinking things that I know would never happen. I kept overthinking situations into it could be a contender for fiction of the year. And it absolutely crippled me. It render me absolute useless and there was nothing I could've done about it.
But I kept going and I kept trying, with all the help I could get from you, bb. You've been an absolute rock to me and I know with all your support I could overcome this anxiety and depression that has been eating me alive for years now. I know I would get better. I want to build a family with you and I know without you here for me, I'd be in an absolute shambles.
And for some reason, God flicked the switch once again. Or at least I'd like to think so. I feel much better. But I have to tell you the whole story first. I had an absolute terrible day. I had wanted to puke. I was nauseated. There were stabbings to my heart, I couldn't breathe. I cried on the way back home today. I had kept everything to my heart and when I spoke the truth out, the heart started to send waves of tears to my eyes. It was embarrassing. I couldn't eat dinner properly, I had lost my appetite. I felt bad because my mom was excited to see me and talk to me and I tried to put up a proper conversation with my mum.
I thought I would get into the shower and feel sad again. Coming out, I put on some mask to my face and something just flicked. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw posts from @JohnnyWHarris and @JackHarries. Both excellent filmmakers of their lives and I've decided a proper, concrete life goal for myself.
I'm currently counting down the days to the end of my internship in AirAsia. Don't get me wrong. The people in AA are absolutely amazing and I love the team. It's just the distance and the commute back is hell and the fact I couldn't see my beloved bb everyday after work, breaking a promise I made a long time ago that we would have dinner after work.
And I thought about it, what would I do for my full time job? I guess after seeing the posts from Johnny and Jack, I believed I found what I wanted to do. It has always been a thought in my mind but I didn't really pursue it. I want to be a filmmaker. I want to document all things good and bad in the world. I want to save all the love and hatred in the world and showcase it to the world. And I hope this dream lasts, that this is my personal life goal.
Will I be able to achieve it? I'm not sure but I sure hope it's giving me back the life and hope of life that has long been missing from my life.
And to you Joey, I love you so much and thanks for sticking by me when I was an absolute bitch. You deserve someone stronger than me and I will be stronger and more successful for you.
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